It’s an I, I, I, I, I World?

Those of a certain not-so-tender age (ahem!) might remember a certain Burger King campaign from 1976 that boldly proclaimed, “Have It Your Way!”

That was nearly 40 years ago. But in the interim, American society has taken that credo to heart … with a vengeance.

Back then, the famous fast-food franchise was only talking about getting a hamburger without pickles or onions if those didn’t suit your taste. Four decades later, a new study indicates that people growing up in our age, in which almost everything can be personalized, are increasingly interested only in their preferences and correspondingly wary of any institution that might ask them to submit those convictions and preferences to a greater authority than of their sovereign, autonomous selves.

I’m talking about a study by the Pew Research organization that says those in the Millennial generation (people between the ages of 18 and 33) are less likely to affiliate with a political party or religious tradition. They’re also less likely to get married than any previous American generation. Specifically, the survey summarizes:

Pew Research Center surveys show that half of Millennials (50%) now describe themselves as political independents and about three-in-ten (29%) say they are not affiliated with any religion. These are at or near the highest levels of political and religious disaffiliation recorded for any generation in the quarter-century that the Pew Research Center has been polling on these topics.

At the same time, however, Millennials stand out for voting heavily Democratic and for liberal views on many political and social issues, ranging from a belief in an activist government to support for same-sex marriage and marijuana legalization.

Writing about the study in his commentary “The Age of Individualism,” New York Times op-ed columnist Ross Douthat says,

“In the future, it seems, there will be only one ‘ism’—Individualism—and its rule will never end. As for religion, it shall decline; as for marriage, it shall be postponed; as for ideologies, they shall be rejected; as for patriotism, it shall be abandoned; as for strangers, they shall be distrusted. Only pot, selfies and Facebook will abide—and the greatest of these will probably be Facebook.

That’s the implication, at least, of what the polling industry keeps telling us about the rising American generation, the so-called millennials. … A new Pew survey, the latest dispatch from the land of young adulthood, describes a generation that’s socially liberal on issues like immigration and marijuana and same-sex marriage, proudly independent of either political party, less likely to be married and religious than earlier generations, less likely to identify as patriotic and less likely—by a striking margin—to say that one’s fellow human beings can be trusted.

With regard to that trust issue, Pew reports, “Asked a long-standing social science survey question, ‘Generally speaking, would you say that most people can be trusted or that you can’t be too careful in dealing with people,’ just 19% of Millennials say most people can be trusted, compared with 31% of Gen Xers, 37% of Silents and 40% of Boomers.” For the radical countercultural Boomers of the Vietnam era, the watchword was “Don’t trust anyone over 30.” Millennials have seemingly amended that saying to “Don’t trust anyone.”

My point in writing about these shifting social trends today isn’t just to throw the Millennial generation under the bus. Instead, what’s striking to me is that in our age of unprecedented choice, we naturally tend to cater to what we like and want. And in the process, we seem to detach (perhaps almost unconsciously) from the political, religious and familial institutions that have formed the primary bedrock of society—and our shared values—for generations. The result, increasingly, is a world in which what matters most is my view, what I want and what I believe. To repurpose another old show’s title, It’s an I, I, I, I, I World. That dynamic may be happening most measurably with the Millennial generation, but I think it’s affecting all of us. Increasingly, no matter how old we are or what generational affiliation we claim, we’ve latched on to “Have It Your Way” with a death grip. To suggest that someone’s views on politics, religion or social issues might be worth reconsidering is likely to prompt not a civil conversation, but a defensive retort: “That’s not what I believe. That’s not the way I see it.”

Dana Milbank at the Washington Post, also writing about the study, identified our online lives as one significant factor that’s influencing our increasing distrust of and defection from social institutions.

The millennials are at least as passionate as earlier generations and more entrepreneurial, but they lack ties to institutions — unions, political parties, churches — because of their online existence. ‘The organizational structure they’re growing up in is so weak,’ [Peter Levine, a Tufts University professor ] tells me. As a result, “there aren’t very many durable institutions that can capitalize on their enthusiasm. They’re being asked to do it themselves, online, and it’s a tall order.”

Did you catch that phrase, “because of their online existence”?

Given what this research is showing, there’s growing evidence that our culture’s love affair with all things online, and I’m the first to admit that I surf the Web as much as anyone, is coming with a real cost: the gradual erosion of connection from our culture’s most significant societal institutions.

My point here isn’t to say we should all chuck our technological connections and smartphones and Facebook accounts in the recycle bin. Obviously, that’s not going to happen. Rather, it’s to suggest that many of us—myself included—would do well to consider how our engagement with so many compelling online activities (be they Facebook, texting, shopping, surfing articles about our various interests) might be influencing and perhaps undermining our real-world relationships, our families, our convictions and our participation in social institutions more than we really realize.