Make Me Smell Dead, Please


 I want to smell dead! Given the right set of circumstances, who wouldn’t?

OK, let me back up a little.

See, zombies are big these days. They’re everywhere—in our movies, on our television screens, in our games. I figure it’s only a matter of time before they lurch out of our entertainment and into our lives. And it doesn’t seem I’m alone.

Hey, there are tons of my fellow grave votaries out there. There are zombie-focused groups such as the Zombie Research Society, an organization that focuses on everything from zombie cockroaches to zombie trivia. And for those of us in need of a little training, the Zombie Combat Club discusses the best way to battle the undead hand-to-hand. Even the U.S. government’s own Center for Disease Control wants Americans to think about zombie apocalypse preparedness.

Their web page talks about what food supplies, tools and medications you ought to keep stockpiled in case of a zombie apocalypse, along with a checklist of emergency numbers and evacuation plans that you ought to keep handy just in case a bunch of brain biters stop by for brunch.

Which brings me back to where I started. I just recently spotted a YouTube clip focused on the process of creating a zombie cologne. An “Eau De Death,” if you will, that would protect the living from the hungry dead by making them smell like a corpse. Talk about toilet water!

The theory goes like this: Why would a growling drooler chew on a smelly leftover when he can opt for a fresh live-smelling pedestrian? And I’m willing to bet that a foul-smelling concoction like that would sell faster than a pet rock if it actually hit the market. I’m saving up some cash to buy the separate chemicals myself, if need be.

All right, all right, I’ll fess up. I’m not really a zombie believer. But I am a true Plugged In reviewer who can’t help but say, “See, media does get under our skin … Or rip off our skin, if you will.” All of the zombie sites above may be delivering their own wink with every article. But people are tuning in and, uh, eating up every bit of it. The CDC knows people will pay more attention to generic emergency advice if the emergency includes zombies. And thanks to the scores of popular shows and movies that keep us focused and percolating on those creepy ideas, there are some people who are surely putting together their stockpiles as we speak. (The grown daughter of a friend is on the hunt for an anti-zombie hatchet … just in case.)

Still a doubter that the media we immerse ourselves in has a subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) impact on our thoughts? Join me again next time when we sink our teeth into … vampires.

Who wrote this?

Bob Hoose is a senior associate editor for Plugged In, a producer/writer for Focus on the Family’s Adventures in Odyssey, a writer of plays and musicals and one-half of the former comedy/drama duo Custer & Hoose. He is a husband, father of three and a relatively new granddad.

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Charity Bishop More than 1 year ago

--Society's interest in vampires, I get. Vampires are immortal and usually gorgeous, which appeals both to our sin nature and taste. But zombies? What's so great, or fascinating, or sexy, about a bunch of moldy, half-eaten dudes groaning and shuffling around?