The Grandparent Factor

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When my wife and I were shopping for a new home before the birth of our third child, one factor influenced our choice of neighborhoods above nearly everything else: proximity to her parents.

Admittedly, the decision was in part a selfish one. Let’s face it: When you have three small children, you need all the help you can get. But we also knew a time would come when their relational influence (not just their ability to babysit on short notice) would come more and more into play, too.

Six years later, that day has arrived. Our kids see and interact with their grandparents almost daily. Since then, my parents have moved close by as well, providing even more opportunities for intergenerational contact and influence.

I realize that not everyone has the luxury of being close to grandparents, for many reasons. But for those who do have extended family nearby, the relational dividends may be significant as children get older.

A new study from Israel indicates that teens who have strong, loving relationships with their grandparents have fewer behavioral and emotional problems than teens who don’t. Specifically, researchers looked at how those relationships affected issues such as hyperactivity, anxiety, social skills and involvement with fighting and bullying.

“Adolescents living in a family system with multigenerational close relationships can be seen to belong to families with high levels of cohesion and solidarity,” say the authors of the study, which was published in the Journal of Orthopsychiatry. “The strengths of bonds in the family are associated with increased resilience and improved chances of good adjustment.” In addition, grandparents are an important relational resource when friction builds up between parents and teens. During tense times, researchers said, grandparents with strong relationships with teens can help provide “support and mediation when family problems arise.”

Writing for the Wall Street Journal, Ann Lukits says that these benefits are present regardless of how strong teens’ relationships are with their parents: “For teens with average emotional closeness to their parents, contact with their closest grandparent was linked with significantly reduced adjustment difficulties, though the reduction was moderate. For teens who had very close parental relationships, the closest grandparent played an even stronger role in reducing adjustment difficulties.”

You don’t have to look far these days for news stories that focus on factors that are negatively influencing teens. So it’s refreshing and encouraging to come across research that indicates a grandparent’s presence in the life of an adolescent can make a significant difference.

My own children aren’t teens yet, but I can definitely see how their relationships with both sets of grandparents are molding and shaping them in significant ways, from reinforcing positive attitudes toward piano practice and doing homework, to making healthy choices when it comes to snacks and eating, to praying for friends who are having a hard time (something that both pairs of grandparents value).

I hope that dynamic continues to be in play as they get older. And this research suggests that I have reasons to be optimistic that it will.

Who wrote this?

Adam R. Holz is a senior associate editor for Plugged In. He also writes for Focus on the Family’s Clubhouse magazine and has been a Boundless contributor. In his free time (which there is sometimes precious little of) Adam enjoys playing guitar and constructing LEGO kits with his son. Adam and his wife, Jennifer, are the proud parents, in fact, of three children, one boy and two girls.

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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Amen, Paul.  Recently my husband and I had to make the very difficult decision to ask our 18 year old son to leave our home because of poor choices that were in turn negatively influencing his younger siblings.  This was the most difficult decision we have ever had to make as parents.  We were scared to death he would go to a friend's house where even worse choices may be made, but we trusted God in this decision and I am please to report that our son ran to his grandparents.  Turns out, he just needed some independence, not so much that he hates our house rules.  My parents have built an incredible relationship with our son over the years, and although in most recent years he has pulled away from them some, the foundation had been built, and he knew they would take him in with open arms.  They did and we are pleased that in this time of spreading his wings that he is safe in their home and feeling a little more grown up.  Praise the Lord for Godly grandparents!