My favorite TV commercial in recent memory is for Best Buy. It’s the one where people are devastated to learn that their brand-new electronic gizmos are already outdated (“You got the wrong TV, silly head”). It’s painfully hilarious. It also illustrates a frustration I sometimes feel as a parent: No sooner do I get a handle on dealing with an issue than I have to develop a new strategy.
For example, my children used to ask if they could watch mindless shows on Nickelodeon or Disney Channel. As a media analyst with years of experience helping parents work through tricky entertainment issues, I came up with a sage answer worthy of Solomon himself: “Sorry, kids, we don’t have cable.” That was it. There was no argument, because there was no access. Earlier this year, however, my 10-year-old discovered that the cable shows his classmates keep talking about are now available online. Gee. Thanks, Hulu.
It’s easy to feel like the media is working overtime to engage our kids behind our backs, but in the midst of it all I’m truly blessed. That’s because my wife and I are fighting this battle together. We’re teaching biblical media discernment as a team. Not everyone can say that. There are many families in which one parent is struggling to maintain a godly standard while the other is passive, or even undermines those efforts.
Earlier this week a lady named Becky commented on our Facebook page. She asked, “How do I as a Christian wife and mom keep harmful things like graphic video games on the Xbox, and movies on TV away from my family when my husband allows them?” My heart breaks for Becky, because I know of countless parents just like her who are fighting the pop culture battle on two fronts.
I haven’t spoken with Becky. I don’t know all the specifics. However, I would advise anyone in her position not to exploit the moral high ground. Resist that temptation. It’s probably counterproductive to tell her husband that he’s falling down on the job, or accuse him of hurting the kids. As for compelling research and statistical data, they’re mere numbers to a lot of people. Also, don’t reset his laptop’s homepage to PluggedIn.com (though we appreciate the thought). Odds are Becky’s husband is a decent guy who, deep in his heart, has convinced himself that it’s “just” entertainment. And since he may enjoy those games and movies himself, hearing his spouse rail against them will feel like a personal attack.
The first thing I think Becky should do is pray for her husband and her children. She should ask God to open their eyes to love what He loves, and to see graphic violence, profanity, occult imagery or inappropriate sexuality for what it is. But there’s something else she can do as she waits for hearts to change. Becky can ask her husband to help her protect their marriage.
Children eager to get what they want (including graphic Xbox games or edgy movies) can be manipulative. They’ll often play one parent against the other, creating tension in the home that extends far beyond a mere media decision. This can actually damage the marital bond. So while Becky and her husband may differ on whether entertainment will scar their kids, they’ll probably agree that this dynamic exists, and their marriage is worth protecting. A united front will strengthen their position as authorities in the home, and fortify their relationship.
Even a man who scoffs at the lasting impact of violent media wants a healthy marriage. He wants the respect of his children. And he can’t help but appreciate his wife’s desire to nurture those things by working with him to find some middle ground. Will he roll his eyes about the particulars? Maybe. He might feel that she’s being overprotective. But approached in a warm, non-confrontational manner, he may also realize that defending the harmony and unity of his family is a lot more important than waging war in some M-rated, Xbox shooter.
Perhaps you have some experience in this area. What do you think? What advice would you give to parents like Becky?
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