You’ve stocked your cabinets full of commemorative T-shirts, comic books, jewelry boxes and even a monogrammed servant’s bell, but you haven’t got your wedding invites from the Queen yet? Oh, dear. But don’t worry, duckie, it looks like the whole upcoming royal nuptials between William and Kate will be broadcast to your home (and local theaters) in 3-D.
You think I’m jesting? I’m as serious as a German film festival. Reuters has been putting out the word that things are coming together to pipe the English royal wedding to us, not only in HD, but in 3-D.
If, like me, you’re wondering how this could possibly have any impact on us former colonists, you’re out of touch. People are already gearing up for this to be a massive television event here in the States. If you check your analog records, you’ll find that the Prince Charles and Lady Diana wedding back in 1981—when Britain and the US only had a measly three national networks—drew 1 billion viewers. And with today’s gazillions of channels, social networks, iPads and web-connectable smartphones, why the big day could be literally watched by everyone (except for a few of us grouchy nonconformists who will be gathering to watch old Fawlty Towers reruns).
Why 3-D? Well, why not? This is big business, gang. Why not see Kate’s gleaming smile and William’s princely squint up-close in all their rounded glory. It’ll be like you’re sitting right there in the gilded carriage with them. (Do they still do that?) Anyway, the promotional blokes have actually said that they think a 3-D wedding carrot will finally lead millions of people into the 3-D TV market. So you’d best snatch up a new set before they’re all gone. The spring is coming fast.
Oh, and while you’re out, don’t forget to pick up the latest color of No More Waity Katie nail polish.
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