Clearly, I’m doing this writing thing all wrong.
I write roughly 6 gazillion words a day, most of which are immediately cut (and sometimes burned) by my editor. Those which remain could still lay siege to a mid-sized fortress (if they somehow attained the muscular structure and will to do so), and yet one of my novel-length film reviews still doesn’t earn anything near what Soulja Boy earns when he tweets one solitary character.
It’s true. Soulja Boy, who once tried to rule the music world by tellin’ everyone to listen to his Tell’em CD, earns $10,000 and up for promoting various products on Twitter. That’s $10,000 per tweet, mind you, which means if Mr. Boy was feeling particularly verbose and used his entire 140-character allotment praising the virtues of, say, Snapple, he’d earn $71.43 per letter. (And in his world, spaces are letters, too.) At those rates, this blog post would already be worth, oh, $62,787.
And now it’s worth $64,716.
If I was getting paid Soulja Boy rates, I’d be able to retire this afternoon.
He’s not the only guy who receives beaucoup bucks. Dr. Drew Pinsky, the guy from VH1’s Celebrity Rehab, gets $10,000 and up for his own promo tweets (which mainly trumpet the wonderfulness of Gogo’s in-flight Wi-Fi service), and Samantha Ronson (who, oddly enough, has five times more Twitter followers than former girlfriend Lindsay Lohan), gets between $7K-$10K.
Here’s what’s really interesting: Of the folks making big bucks on Twitter, according to ABC, most of them are mainly famous for being famous. Two Kardashian sisters make $5,000-10,000 tweeting, as does their mother, Kris Jenner. Celebrities at large Audrina Patridge and Kendra Wilkinson tweet for cash, too. Even Fake Robert Pattinson—yes, that’s FAKE Robert Pattinson, who became famous by impersonating a real celebrity on Twitter—makes as much as $5,000 per promotional tweet.
So as soon as I become the first Christian entertainment pundit to score an invite from Oprah and land on the cover of US Weekly, I’m going to apply for my very own Twitter account. Corporations interested in using the soon-to-be-famous me as a pitchman can begin sending their five-figure offers, starting now.
Oh, I just love Snapple, by the way.