Here at Plugged In we love statistics and studies. In our daily cultural research and media reviews, we’re constantly plucking out quotes and figures from one study or another to back up a point of view or maybe get people thinking. Why, what would morning be in the Plugged In team without a nicely rounded bowl of stats moistened by the fat-free milk of redundant research and sprinkled with the sweet summations of some federal agency or Icelandic group of lab coat-clad scientists?
But sometimes these studies—which always seem to grab our attention during nightly newscasts or whatnot—can make you check your watch to see how much time you have left and scratch your head in bewilderment that you’ve not already expired.
For instance, you probably heard someone talk about a report put out by experts from the University of Queensland, Australia. From their study of over 11,000 individuals they concluded that every single hour a person sits around watching TV, they’re shortening their life by as much as 22 minutes. They’re not just wasting 22 minutes—which would make perfect sense—but because of their sedentary patterns they’re actually cutting about 22 minutes off their lifespan. To drive the point home even further, researchers equated that hour of TV watching to puffing two cancer-riddled cigarettes.
And that’s when my eyes began to roll.
I’m sure there was a lot of thoughtful research and actuary study put into this report, but by their logic I’m up to the equivalent of at least a pack a day just performing my daily reviewing here at work. Sure, sure, if an inflammatory statement can pry some kid or adult away from their TV and computer for some fresh air and sunshine outdoors, I’m all for it. But as I said above, doesn’t it feel like everything nowadays is cutting down on our life expectancy and stuffing metaphorical cigarettes in our yaps?
I mean, even if you do make it outside, there’s the nasty cancer-inducing sunshine that’ll surely bake you to a crisp. Slathering on the 1000 SPF sunscreen? Don’t forget about all those chemicals soaking into your epidermis. And then there’s the heightened levels of pollen and carbon monoxide in the air. Don’t get me started on global warming … get inside!!
Of course, you better be careful of what you eat. Salt, sugar and growth hormones will kill you in a blink. And have you heard about the latest surge of bed bugs that you can pick up in just about any public place, from restaurants to your local cinema seats? Your house is also being radiated by all those deadly Wi-Fi waves bouncing back and forth between your electronic devices. Then there’s leaking electrical sockets. Laundry detergent phosphates. Dust mites. Mold spores. Germs. Microbes. Argghhhh!
I sometimes wonder if the Matrix movie guys had it right. Maybe the machines are subtly taking over. Unbeknownst to us, they’re making up these studies and frightening reports and slipping them into our news stream in hopes that we’ll voluntarily climb into those gelatinous fluid-filled eggs. They’ll give us a safe, insulated environment where we can plug into the communal battery, be fed a carcinogenic-free pabulum and be comforted by a safe, looping mental movie.
Ahh. Now, that would be livin’.
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